A lot has been said about the issue of racism. Today, I found myself on the floor whaling uncontrollably. It was as if a well of tears had been broken into and the flood could not be contained. Whilst weeping I posed the question “God why, why am I so affected in this way?” I sensed God acknowledging my pain. I also sensed that this was part of the healing process.

I was listening to a particular worship song and there was a line that caught my attention, “This is my story, this is my song”. I was gone again, the flood of tears kept spreading. At one point I felt numb, staring at the clothes that needed to go in the wash but I was far from reality.

The trauma of racism is not one to be taken lightly. It is not something you can say to people ‘forgive and move on’. Yes, forgiveness is biblical and most of us know the power of forgiveness. But the trauma of racism is not something you can say ‘slavery happened over 400 years ago, what is their problem?’ Our problem is the aftermath, which is racism, of which we are subject to in our current society. The trauma of racism is not something you can say ‘let us quickly provide a solution and move on’. To heal any form of trauma takes time and healing process. You cannot rush it but work patiently at the pace of the person who has experienced the trauma. Forgiveness does not mean we avoid dealing with the root of the issue.

Racism is a type of abuse hence the phrase racial abuse. The problem in our society is that some of us fail to recognise racism as a form of abuse. Racial abuse fits into the category of psychological abuse. Let us look at the definition of psychological abuse.

“Psychological abuse involves a person’s attempts to frighten, control, or isolate you. It is in the abuser’s words and actions, as well as their persistence in these behaviours” (Pietrangelo A, 2018). Signs of psychological abuse (same as mental and emotional abuse) includes: Name-calling, Derogatory “pet names.”, Character assassination, Yelling, Patronizing, Public embarrassment, Dismissiveness, Joking, Sarcasm, Insults of your appearance, Belittling your accomplishments, Put-downs of your interests and Pushing your buttons (Pietrangelo A, 2018).

Majority of black and ethnic minority people have experienced some form of psychological abuse purely because of the colour of their skin. This perhaps explains why many black and brown people across the world are in agony over the killing of Mr George Floyd. So many people do not know how to navigate their pain or how to manage it. Some people are crying, some are shouting; a few people are wanting revenge and a few others are taking matters in their own hand by acting violently. We all know violence is not the answer, but the effects of pain are manifesting in different ways. I am a Christian and I believe in the Words of Jesus Christ ‘He who lives by the sword will die by the sword’.

For several generations the majority of black and brown people have learnt the skill of hiding their pain. We have learnt not to complain about racial injustice, we have learnt to toughen up. From a young age many of us were told, ‘you need to work twice as hard because of the colour of your skin’ owing to our parent’s experience of racism. Like most parents, they will do anything to protect their children from any form of harm or abuse. However, most black and brown parents knew their efforts to protect their babies from racial abuse were void. For this reason, they resulted in teaching their children how to deal with the situation when it arose because it is inevitable.

Our parent’s idea of managing the situation in itself is defeating. However, that was the only way they knew how. For all the years they have tried to seek justice, unfortunately justice never came to their rescue. So, they would say “work twice as hard. Make sure you get your degree, because nobody can take that away from you and be the best you can be”. In addition, we were told “learn to manage your emotions and ignore them when they abuse you”. They knew that if we made an attempt to complain, people were likely to be dismissive of us or it would give them more the reason to segregate us. Some people are likely to frown upon us or make our lives difficult. In a nutshell, toughen up and keep focusing on your goals in life.

For example, if somebody was living with a domestically abusive partner. Someone from the outside looking in on their situation may question, “why are they remaining in that hellish situation?”. But in the individual’s view, the limited help available, the fear of their safety if they run, as well as many other factors may keep them silent and influence their decision to stay. They may reason that, ‘at least I have a roof over my head or at least I am not dead’.

Similarly, the person experiencing racial abuse may say, ‘at least I have a job or at least I have a home’. Moreover, most people have had a track record of getting nowhere when they have made attempts to complain about racial abuse. Others have also been questioned as though they are not intelligent enough to read the situation, in their attempt to complain about racism, which has been discouraging for most people in pursuing justice.

So, do you see why emotions of past traumas have erupted because of the killing of Mr George Floyd?

Most of us saw our story in his. Just like that song “this is my story, this is my song”. We’ve made attempts to say we couldn’t breathe, in a society that has put measures in place to oppress our voices and has provided a criteria to fit in, in order to tolerate us.

Today the The Times newspaper had this statement as their headlines “What has become of the tolerant Britain we love?” With a picture of a white man hitting a black woman. Do you notice the selective words? “tolerant” Britain. I rest my case. There is a difference between tolerating people and accepting people for who they are. There is only so far that your tolerance can take you.

This is the struggle we face. One may argue that if black people are unhappy then they can go back to their country. This is where a good and honest history lesson is required. However, I am aware that some people do not value our lives enough to carry out research to better understand black history and what has led us to where we are today.

To my black and brown brothers and sisters, although my experience of racism is not like many of the horrific stories I have heard, read, or watched, I just want to say that I hear you. I sincerely hear you. My heart breaks with you and I weep with you. I am also on my knees praying for us all and believing that our hearts will not become sick, as hope has been deferred many times.

I am believing that we will not have to sit our children down to have ‘the talk’ like our parents did to us. Or to prepare them for the oppressor’s deeds purely because of the colour of their skin. That information alone is traumatic for any child.

To my white brothers and sisters who have heard the cry of broken hearts, have taken the time to listen to us and to know our individual stories. To those that have chosen to use your freedom to stand with us no matter the cost. Those who have valued us enough to go out of your way to carry out your own research, to better understand our struggles. Those who have not made the issue of racism a political matter but a human matter, who have said if black lives do not matter then the statement “All Lives Matter” is incomplete. You, by your words and actions have said we are all equal. Those who have followed your words with actions and your heart is broken for us. We say thank you!

You who have cared enough to reach out to us. You have not made us to feel our race is the elephant in the room. You have said “this matter is uncomfortable, but we are willing to let go of our comfort to do whatever it takes to make things right because we value your lives. We value your race, we value your culture and we do not tolerate you, rather we accept you for who you are”.

In our lowest moments, your words and actions remind us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of God. Through your words and actions, you give us hope. Thank you for not being neutral on this matter. We are at a place where we need armies of friends, brothers, and sisters to stand with us and fight the demon of racism. We are at a place where debate is unnecessary as lives are at stake.

If change happens, perhaps, some of our black sisters who go into labour amongst all the worries of giving birth, may be less anxious about not returning home with their unborn child/children due to racial biases. Research has confirmed that racial biases potentially cost the lives of some black women at the hand of healthcare professionals. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-47115305

If we get it right, perhaps the high percentage of COVID-19 deaths in the black and brown community may subside. There is currently ongoing investigation on this issue. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-53035054

So, you see, it is not only a matter of the insults here and there that we experience. It goes further than what you realise. This explains why my heart has been broken the way it has.

Black lives are at risk.

I pray God will use this piece of writing to do whatever He wants to do in individual’s hearts. I pray nobody will feel guilty or condemned. I pray that the love of God will clothe you and you will allow God’s love to do whatever He needs to do in your heart.

Finally, I pray for forgiveness, healing and restoration in Jesus name, amen.

Healing is on its way.